Showbiz Shithole

Yoo hoo reader! I’ve been away for a while (to the USA - and to paraphrase the Divine David it looks like British Airways’ poofter trolly dollies sure have ‘taken Hitler’s message on board’. Why do you need arms like this to pour tea? It’s crazy madness!) My job has changed too - I now have D-list celebrities phoning me up at all hours for a chat, so that’s kept me busy.
I’m used to dealing with people who thrive on the misery of others - I’m one myself - but those cunts at the Samaritans really take the biscuit. They fixed me up with an interview with Lucy Jo Hudson (pictured) from Coronation Street. Her character kills herself and was ‘keen’ to talk about her work with the Samaritans. She phoned me. It was crap. She wouldn’t answer any questions other than those pertaining to suicide. Zzzz. Straight afterwards this PR cunt called Serena from the Samaritans phoned to whinge about how I ‘didn’t give Lucy a chance to talk about the ethos of the Samaritans.’ THE SHEER FUCKING NERVE OF IT!! Ethos?! Did your twatty charity invent suicide? What a cunt! Anyway, all Lucy talked about was how her neighbour hanged himself - as if I give a fuck. Boo hoo.
So reader, the moral of this tale is that if you are going to kill yourself don’t phone the Samaritans first because it only keeps cunts like Serena in a job.