Showbiz Shithole

We've heard some shit in our time, but this flight of fancy from none other than orange-skinned mincer Dale Winton takes the whole biscuit barrel.

Botoxed-to-fuck Dale told a reliable Shithole Source a shocking story of his time at the top - back in the days when Supermarket Sweep and Pets Win Prizes put him at the pinnacle of the crap quiz show game. A 'hot' property around town, Dale had been invited to a lavish party where he met none other than the biggest A-Listers in London at the time - Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. Cruise and Dale struck up a conversation [insert buggery joke here] and when Dale was about to skip off home for the night Cruise insisted that they must go out for dinner soon. Starstruck Dale inquired who else would be going or was it just to be him, Tom and Nicole. At this point - according to Dale - Tom put his titchy hand on Dale's shoulder and said "Who said Nicole would be coming?"

Yes reader, Dale Winton was telling my pal that Tom fucking Cruise tried to chat him up! Tom Cruise! And Dale Winton!! AS FUCKING IF!!! Dale, all that sun bedding must have twisted your big gay melon coz the only cunt who's going to believe that load of crap is your pal Cilla "pissed every night with the poofs down Shadow Lounge" Black. At least a late blooming career in stand up comedy beckons if he can't claw his way back to be King/Queen of the Lottery.