Showbiz Shithole

Hooray! Our favourite ever Big Brother contestant - Makosi McBigtits - has sunk to new lows. She’s announced she was paid £1,500 on two different occasions by ‘a young, attractive TV presenter’ to shag him along with some other random old whore. (Although if it was that charming Barney we’d have done it for free). Tearful Makosi even blurted ‘I could hang myself tomorrow and no one would care. I feel like a female dog.’

To mark this special occasion we gave her agent a ring (yes! Amazingly she does still have one!) We asked if she’d fancy having a chat with us to tell us all about the ups and downs of her new career. They turned us down! It’s a bit late in the day to pretend you’re not a great big slapper innit Makosi?!They offered me someone else instead. I think it was the bird who announces the balls on the lottery.

We obviously laughed and told them to fuck off.